Careful With That Jackhammer

Guest post by Kilgore Trout.

So I had a pretty epic dream last night. I was playing a video game, and the story for the game was amazing.

As part of a top-secret mission you are seated into a craft and launched into the future along with your team. The reason? A nuclear spill in the future has made it so people cannot have children. And because of a time warp caused by the spill, people in the past are dying, therefore everybody's parents are slowly dying before having children, and therefore people are getting younger until they die, à la Benjamin Button. (This getting younger thing is happening in the future where you are going, not in the present, but somehow that's bad for the present too. It all made perfect sense in the dream)

So your mission is to stop that, save the world, and save everybody from dying. You are obviously battling some enemies (but I don't really remember them). Eventually, you find a group of people who have children (they are special because nobody's been able to have children). So you have to protect these people against the enemies (All I know is they're dressed like FBI agents.) Anyway, here comes the epic part.

So what happens is somehow is you and the children people are in your craft and I guess you're supposed to be with them all the time. So at this point in the dream I'm like “I got stuff to do.” So I decide to quit the game.

The game says, “Do you want to quit or just leave the craft?” For some reason I just leave the craft. Then it says, “Fast forward 1000 years...” The craft is buried under rock or underground or in magma or something like that and the game asks you, “Do you want to dig the people out?” I don't remember what I answered but here is, as close to verbatim as I could, what the game said in the dream: “1000 years later. The world is destroyed, empty, buried in ashes. And you just a spirit of a baby, with a JACKHAMMER.”

Think about it, it makes sense. Such a good line.

I expect an offer from Microsoft games any hour.