Poll for the Silent

Posted by Malachi Constant.

I was walking along, about to board the bus home, when I saw someone I know. We're very close, but not as close as we used to be; I know her, and I know her well, but I don't know her well anymore. I wanted to wave, and even to stop and chat, but for some reason I didn't. I walked towards her for about fifty feet, in her plane view, on my way to the bus. I eventually got less than ten feet in front of her, looking at her the whole time expecting her to see me and wave, but I finally turned and entered the bus, without saying a word. I feel like I should have made more of an effort to say "hi." I should have waved in some way, or smiled, or even gone up and tapped her on the shoulder, but I just couldn't bring myself to care enough. I tried to rationalize it, "Why should I bother, she didn't notice me," "Never mind that she was talking to other friends, she's not blind, and I was close enough to spit on her," but I realized that if I really cared about her, I would've gone out of my way just to bid greetings.

I bring this up only as a specific instance, but this kind of thing happens to me all the time. Almost once a day do I see someone I recognize and can name, but they seem to give no hint of recognition to me, not because they don't remember me, but because they never notice me in the first place. Because I feel there's an expectation that they, as a conscious human being, should notice that I'm right there in front of them, when they don't notice, I usually don't feel responsible to call attention to myself, but rather just let them keep walking, without any knowledge of my existence.

When I say "right in front of them," I'm not exaggerating. There are a handful of people I know whose personal space I can invade, not sneaking around, either, before they notice I was within eyesight for a hundred feet. In other words, on the occasion where I decide to stop by and say "hello," I habitually get close enough to physically poke them on the shoulder, staying within their line of sight the entire time, before they learn that I'm there at all. On rare occasions, I can get that close under the same circumstances and still go unnoticed.

So I ask you, reader, how often does this kind of thing happen to you? How often do you go unnoticed by someone you personally know for what seems like too long? Have you ever gone unnoticed so long that you decide to remain unnoticed, and walk right past someone you know and like without saying a word? Have you ever been shocked to find someone you know standing right next to you, with no other explanation than that they walked right up to you, right in front of you, and you none the wiser until long after you should have reasonably seen them? Comments can be left anonymously and I eagerly await your thoughts.